Step Aside! There is Ease in All You Desire


7e92ef344a515338b7017a8fe296fae9_image_300x444Hey Sisters,

We made it through the chaos of the holiday rush…we knew we would.

Amid the busy-ness of the holdiays I’ve heard these phrases used a lot this month. “This year will be different” because “Life is too short to be miserable” and “Suffering is optional” mostly repeated by the least happy people.

I get this sentiment. It feels familiar.

I grew up believing that anything I wanted to achieve would need to be hard earned, through pain and sacrifice. In my 20’s I set my life up based on these limiting beliefs. I unconsciously chose difficult paths to all destinations because I believed without struggle and sacrifice my rewards would not be worthy enough. These behaviors and beliefs were the gateway drugs leading my quest for perfection and numbing my misery.

When I sit with the women I coach, one of the first things we do together is dive into limiting beliefs. The second thing they do is make a list of deal breakers, things they are no longer willing to do to reach goals and desires. Things they “effing” hated to do in misery. After the “are you serious, this won’t work” look, comes the deep cleansing sigh of relief.

That’s the first rule…out with all which does not serve us…because all that crazy miserable shit we believe we have to endure to own our life’s desire is a lie.

Somewhere along the way miserable sacrifice has become our status symbol. Of course we have all participated with pride because the dirty little secret IS, it’s expected.

My misguided overscheduled hellish existence of fitting everything in that I detested…to be thin enough, coifed enough, professional enough, mother enough, and woman enough…with barely a little of ME enough left over kept me down for the comfort of others with my resentment rising.

I finally realized…the implied rules of the hard road, wasn’t the only route to my desire.

I didn’t need to do what everyone else was doing or expected. I no longer needed to pretend to love activities I hated; to attend every event scheduled around someone else’s life, out of social obligation aka: my desire to be liked, let’s just call that one what it is straight up. I didn’t need to eat food I hated or break promises to crawl out of bed at 4am to exercise to be healthy. I didn’t need to wear the power suit, engage in small talk, hide my tattoos or water myself down to a barely unrecognizable reflection.

I confess walking away from the “miserable rules of the “should dos” felt weird and wrong. It also felt delicious in an uncertain kind of way… of course my first reaction to the influx of positive was resistance and disbelief, this had to be harder and if it wasn’t I must be doing it wrong or I was a fake. My inner Martyr kicked in a few times and tried to drag me kicking and screaming back to the familiar feelings of ridiculous routine.

This quote says it all.

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.”~ Jordan Belfort

Check your “bullshit” story then change it.

Our thoughts drive our behavior, when we change our inner dialogue everything changes. Without this internal shift first, nothing will change. I don’t care how much you paid for the plan or the small print guarantee that came with it.

Examine what you believe.

When you think, I am never going to get a promotion or that new client, your belief is that you don’t have what is needed to please anyone or create wealth in your life. When you tell yourself, I don’t like my job, but I don’t have time to hunt for a better job; OR, I have always had an issue with my body, that isn’t going to change, I am too old to be fit and healthy anyway. You are creating a life based on your belief that you don’t deserve an easier healthier, happier life. These statements and thoughts keep us on the hard road until they seem to become our reality. Life becomes about the need to struggle and suffer. This is all about resisting who we are.

Align your thoughts and habits with your desires.

This sounds far too simple, I know! Fake it till you make it honey! Figure out what you want; then act on what you desire. Any action forward is progress. Act as if what you desire is already true. Even if you don’t see it immediately, visualize and action it with an attitude sister! Expect it, the more you expect to receive through action, the faster it falls into place!

Find your people and your power.

Surround yourself with those who already have whatever you seek,then learn-act-learn-repeat. The Universe brings you more of where you invest your energy. Find people who already enjoy what you desire. If you want health, immerse yourself in healthy energy. Eat nutrient rich food, read about health; talk to people who have a healthy lifestyle. Simply invest in healthy energy and inner dialogue. Letting go of old limiting thoughts and actions will raise your perspective to a higher level where action is required naturally. What you choose do is more powerful and life affirming than any action taken from a position of hating every minute of it.

Stop Resisting. Step aside. Allow.

Lose your attachment to struggle and suffering.

Our beliefs define our level of resistance.

We resist because we like remembering who we were, remembering feels safe and familiar regardless of how miserable the memory. It’s what we know. As long our story and actions rely on the UN’s~ unloved, unhappy, unworthy, unattractive, and unhealthy WE are resisting. Complaining, feeling guilty and criticizing ourselves reinforces all these feelings. Old [Victim] habits hang around just in case we need them to protect us from the new. Yes, they remain our faithful little bitches.

Give yourself a break. Finally!

Shifting our attention away from doing things that make us miserable in the name of “doing something” by replacing them with new actions and thoughts that make us happy isn’t a state of denial, laziness or means we are a giving up—it’s a powerful act of courage that helps us release attachment to the self-defeating obstacles disguised as those ingrained “should dos” that hold us down.

Check your list. Check your deal breakers. Create your ease.

Liberation sisters, baby steps and liberation.

I wish you all a beautiful and smooth transition into 2014.

Dana XO


  • Monna Ellithorpe January 2, 2014, 6:57 pm

    Hi Dana,

    Good post. I think that has been my problem for so long and maybe for others too. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my parents and they were good and loving people but they were taught and I was taught to do the 9 to 5 JOB thing and I never considered venturing out into anything else until the last few years.

    Wishing you great success in 2014. Monna

    • Dana January 2, 2014, 10:20 pm

      Oh Monna, Yes! well meaning parents who wanted the best for us within the confines of the safe thing. All the best to you as well.


  • Lesly Federici January 2, 2014, 8:58 pm

    You have some very powerful messages here. One that stands out is the “your bS story”. Sometimes one’s life story can become the truth because they believe it when it’s not the truth at all. We tell lies to ourselves all the time based on false beliefs.. “I can’t do this because ….” and so one. One of the hardest things to do is to accept yourself as you are and where you are in your life and go from there… so many things – beliefs, life history can hold us back. Create new beliefs about yourself and watch the amazing things that happen as a result …. Welcome to our community :-)

    • Dana January 2, 2014, 10:17 pm

      Thanks Lesly, grateful and excited to be part of a new community.
      Best, Dana

  • Dr. Erica Goodstone January 2, 2014, 9:31 pm


    I have 2 different responses for this interesting and mind expanding blog post.
    First, Yes, I do have some limiting beliefs that plague me when I want to get out of my comfort zone and just go for it. And then I remember that there were many times in my past that I did just go for it – when I didn’t know any better and had not had any defeats. There are things that stop me, like making direct phone calls, but sometimes those actions are necessary and part of what I need to just get over and do.

    Second, even if I do have a positive mindset and I am raring to just do it, there are life circumstances that may interfere. For example, I recently had a problem with a leaky hurricane window. There is a landlord and condo board and window repair company involved. It’s like having a committee of individuals, each with a different agenday, attempting to get a job done. And I am in the middle of the chaos. Makes it difficult to just do what I have to do for my own personal business.

    So part of success is to accept that there will be setbacks and interferences, but at least we can clear our own mind to move forward within and in spite of any current external restrictions.


    Dr. Erica

    • Dana January 2, 2014, 10:16 pm

      Hello Dr. Erica, thanks for being here. Your sentiments around outside interferences resonate with me. I am sure can relate to competing adgendas from others. I really like your last sentence.”So part of success is to accept that there will be setbacks and interferences, but at least we can clear our own mind to move forward within and in spite of any current external restrictions.” I believe speaking our truth and finding our own clarity in chaos is our solid footing. Dana

  • Dawn Smith January 4, 2014, 4:32 pm

    Dana, I absolutely loved this post. You kept it so real and on point. I read some of this post and thought about me and some of those patterns that I, myself, do. Thank you so much for this great post.

    • Dana January 4, 2014, 5:13 pm

      Nice to have you here Dawn.

  • Erika Mohssen-Beyk January 5, 2014, 12:33 am

    Thank you ,Dana ,
    this is a very interesting article for me
    and I am grateful that I did not have a life like this.
    But I know it will help a lot of our sisters :)

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  • Gidget April 3, 2014, 12:48 am

    Hi there, I enjoy reading all of your post.
    I wanted to write a little comment to support you.

    • Dana April 3, 2014, 5:37 am

      Hi Gidget! Glad to have you here :)


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