Learning how to save your own life: Side notes on how to be truly alive.



photo credit: pamela love

This post isn’t about c*ancer because quite frankly a lot of us living with c*ancer get really damn sick and tired of talking about it. Many of us refuse to give c*ancer any power, except when absolutely necessary on chemo days.  Sometimes, our lives change so fast that the change outpaces our minds and hearts. I think, it’s in those times when our lives are altered that we best learn to live a new reality–by our design.

We all have a mere 30,000 days to live our life.  That really isn’t much time.

I don’t have the answers to the most difficult questions in this life. You know those questions where no amount of life experience helps with the answers. All I know is that I’m paying closer attention to the change of seasons these days because life moves so fast. We all breathe in that so called miracle breath of life every day no matter what is happening. The biggest miracle in life isn’t that we merely survive, but that we can choose to thrive in the ditches and on the dirt roads of our living.

I do know for sure that there is not one person in this world that is not cripplingly sad about something.

I believe we all have the desire to be better than we ever thought we could be.

SO, this post is about life.  About saving our own life, you know the part where you find out who you really are. 

It’s for every beautiful soul who is struggling, has struggled– fallen down, and been cut off at the knees.

This is in honor of your bravery and courage.

We are who we are for a lot of reasons. But even when we don’t have the power to choose what life throws at us, we can choose the road before us. Because no matter what sweet one, you’re going to mess up sometimes. It’s as universal as faith.  If you ask me, there are moments in everybody’s life when we feel helpless, and then something happens, something too big to understand that changes everything– again.  

AND oh darling, yes, you are going to react, resist, push back, and find every excuse– but the brave part is that you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Choose your mistakes AND, if you fail make it fucking worth it. Fail BIG and Fail Well.  Because failing doesn’t mean things are done, or that it’s your final destination. 

So, beautiful brave one– always, always believe in you. Believe when you get confused in this life about what you want, what you’ve done and who you think you should be because of it. Those old worn out stories take hold so hard that we can’t see everything we can be.

You see, I think our biggest challenges are not other people, or even your current circumstances, it’s that heavy ache in your lungs, that slow burn in your heart, and a voice inside you that yells “ this is too hard”–that’s the challenge. But, I know this is when you discover that the person you thought you were is no match for the one you really are. You always get back up because you know that life doesn’t come with a promise of pure happiness. 

I know about those days when you feel alone, those days are long and hard. Those millions of magnificent necessary accidents that lead us to the hard times also led us to beautiful sunsets, baby kisses, and tiny signs of love everywhere we look–when we are able to pay attention.

So, when life brings something you did not choose, you know that it’s your job to choose how you will show up in your life. Go ahead sweet soul, cry when you need to, and erase toxic people and behaviors from your life. Remember, you’re allowed to say “no,” – you deserve love.

The most impossible questions arrive fraught with hot holy tears and heartache. Sometimes you choose the “lesser of two evils” –and the biggest bravest victory is that you chose in that moment.  Anything you decide that is best for you in that hard moment is the answer to that question. Only you get to choose how and when you will rise.

You know you’ve got this.

Because at the end of the day:

“Life moves on, whether we act like cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.”~ Henry Miller

So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never understand any of them. Even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from or where we are at this moment, we can still choose where we go from here.

Do not look at the world through your head; look at it through your heart.

I believe the hardest decisions you make are always the ones you never see coming. And when your back is up against the wall– in the midst of it all– you decided.  

Leave lots of room for redemption, so you can bear witness to others when called. It does the heart good.

We are all on call.

SO, YOU. Yes, you perfectly faceted diamond, do not waste one minute being unhappy with yourself.  I know that you know how to love your body, your face, your personality, your quirks. Love them hard; because you know you cannot be duplicated, you bring something unique and necessary to the world. When you smile people notice AND, lovely one, if anyone hates on you because you are happy with yourself, and your life, you already know that’s their problem. You choose happiness that will not depend on others anymore. You were created to love and be loved.

You are a miracle. 

The BIG question lies in how everything that we’re holding inside is going to come out, and who is going to be on the other end of it when it does.

Hear with your heart wise one, see with your soul, be guided by a hand that you cannot hold and trust in things you can’t see.

That’s faith.

Never give up. No matter what. Never give up because in the end, we will conserve and protect only what we love, we love only what we understand, that’s the hard work.  So, get back up.

That’s how you save your own life.

Deep bow, XO











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