“Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one that finds the gold. Proverbs 11:27”
I dislike judgment.
A whole hell of a lot.
Especially, when I’m judging others from my own high and mighty horse or on the receiving end myself. Judging is such a well-ingrained response that most of us hardly notice when we’re doing it. I know that I judge because of my own experiences, and none of that is right. I make a daily habit of swinging my pendulum to the farthest side of non-judgment as frequently as I can.
Listen we all make choices and some of those choices are bad, weak, self-serving and harmful. I also think when we are intentionally hurting another human, that’s a problem. But I don’t believe that being hurtful and judgmental is the only definition of a human. I have seen the other definition that speaks of love and kindness.
None of us live perfect lives–that’s why we really have no right to judge. But we all know how this works: We believe we know what is best for someone else and how they “should” be living their life–according to our own beliefs. We get preachy in the most covert ways in an effort to guilt others into “getting in line” with our way of thinking.
I mean do we really feel the need to rummage around in the garbage of others and point out how they have done it all wrong for the planet, or watch how they walk timidly past a homeless person begging for money, or if we threw a tantrum when we saw all the designer clothes creating a mammoth carbon footprint well hidden in their closet–but what a fucking miserable existence, picking through a life that doesn’t belong to us with a fine tooth comb– looking for more damning evidence.
Judging or questioning the lives or beliefs of others does nothing to ease suffering in this world, and quite frankly I don’t think any of us get to question the beliefs of others. Judgement and self- righteousness keeps us all small. What if our judging happens on someone’s worst day. Or on the day they were giving it their all, except it didn’t measure up for us. There is nothing fair about that.
I wonder what would happen if instead of scrutinizing one another, we decided that for one day not to judge–anything or anyone. This includes family, friends and strangers we encounter.
We are all human, we all make mistakes, and I also believe we are all doing the best that we can on any given day in this crazy chaotic world. The only person whose judgement matters is your own. Even then, forgive yourself quickly and move forward fast.
None of us walk an immaculate path in this world. Life as we know it would be pretty boring if it was devoid of personal challenges, mistakes and hell storms. We would all be swimming around in a miserable smelly stagnant pond. And even more important we don’t really know everything about a person–or ourselves for that matter. I am all for seeing the “grays” in life–extending the “benefit of the doubt” in a world where someone is just sitting around waiting to be offended by something.
Seeing things through our black and white lens usually never gets us the whole picture. It gets us a view based on our limited experiences and stories that form our beliefs, and they don’t always align with our actions–none of us get it right every single day. And sometimes none of it is anyone else’s business to question either.
Some days I throw my fruit rinds in the garbage instead of the full compost, drive my car instead of walking, sit in judgement of the political commentary in the US on a friend’s facebook page, and forget my reusable bags when I go to the market. I’ve probably been judged a million times in a day, and do my own share of judging too. Every thought is a judgement. Yet I feel no requirement to list all the great things I did in an effort to neutralize or justify my existence or explain my beliefs; none of us should. We don’t get to question who is living “right” according to our own beliefs. It does us good to turn the mirror around on a regular basis and have a good long look.
So, let’s get so busy loving life that we have no time to cast judgement or question the intentions of others. Go live with everything you have right now. And love your life really fucking hard. You know I’m always rooting for you.